Monday, August 9, 2010

Finding Their Wings

 

Three years ago, my daughter came with her two precious girls to live with us. She was broken in spirit and body. I can’t in all honesty say these past three years have been easy. The girls all have been suffering from various degrees of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as other problems. But, I would not have traded this time for anything in this world.

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I have watched my daughter struggle to heal and find herself once more. I am so proud of her patience and protectiveness she shows for her daughters. She has gone from cleaning buildings to survive, to getting her teacher’s certificate and special training in teaching children with Autism.

 

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I have watched as she paid off bad debts that she did not incur. I have watched with pride as she has fought to get her girls the kind of help that they needed—and continue to need.

 

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Now I am watching as all three fly the nest to be on their own. As a parent, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, is that of independence. Watching them fly strong and sure is our greatest joy…

 

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I won’t let them see my tears as they move in their own direction. I won’t complain about the quiet house, or how neat and clean it will stay now. I want them to fly without a backward glance to make them falter.

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34 comments:

Cheryl said...

Hi Jenny......I understand, more than you realise.

You are a wonderful mother, grandmother.....they are truly blessed to have you.
No doubt, you have climbed your own personal mountain and now the summit is in sight.
You have given support and love to your family at a time when they needed it most.

I wish you all well, and much happiness to your daughter, and grand-daughters.

To you, my friend, I wish peace of mind.......

FlowerLady said...

Congratulations to your daughter and grand-girls. May they continue to heal and grow in love and peace.

Bless your heart for opening your home, being there for them and letting them go again.

Your love will be with them even when you can't be physically.

Hugs ~ FlowerLady

Marie said...

Such a bittersweet moment. I can feel your pain and joy at a new beginning. Best wishes to you all.

Susie said...

Your daughter sounds like a very smart and courageous lady.I will keep her and her children in my prayers.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Cheryl,

The problems that daughter and her girl's face seems to be epidemic in proportions. Thank you for your understanding. I do need peace of mind as I struggle to forgive the one that has hurt and continues to try to hurt them.

Hugs,
Jenny

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Flowerlady,

Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. It is a bittersweet time that feel strange in it's newness. I am sure as time goes by, we will all adjust to the change. There is still much healing that will need to take place, and I plan on being here as "Grammy" and "Mom" to support them as much as I can.

Hugs,
Jenny

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Marie,

You are exactly right--it is a bittersweet moment, indeed. I have told granddaughters that very thing. They have shed many tears over moving from this, their safe haven. My prayer for them is that they will gain strength from this first step away.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Susie,

Thank you for your prayers--they are much solicited and needed. The success they experience as they move in their own direction will help strenghten them even more as they realize they don't need to rely on me as much.

Hugs,
Jenny

Cheryl said...

Dear Jenny, life can be terribly cruel. It is not easy to forgive. I know in my heart you will find the way, I have.
I realise now the only person I was hurting was me.
This time will pass, nothing stays the same.

Take care, dear friend......

Corner Gardener Sue said...

Hi Jenny,
I am so glad to hear your daughter and granddaughters are in a good place in their healing process. I had stop and cry before reading the post, because my 27 year old daughter is having so many problems. Your post gives me hope for her.

My email address is in my profile. If you have time to email me, I'll tell you more about it. If you don't, I'll understand.

I am having trouble deciding how much I should try to help her, and how much to leave her alone to hit bottom. She must be awfully close right now, though.

You are going to have your own adjusting to do with them not living with you. It will be fun to look forward to a better future for the girls.

Corner Gardener Sue said...

Oh, and thanks for your comment on my Tuesday post. Your zinnias are pretty!

Rose said...

Jenny, I do know how you feel. So many of my friends have gone through the same experience, and while I haven't actually had any of my children and grandchildren living with me for a time, let's just say my husband and I have to had to help one of them quite a bit.

I know your house must feel quite empty right now, but at the same time you can feel so proud that your daughter has overcome so many obstacles to stand on her own two feet. I'm sure, too, she is so thankful to you for all that you have done to make that possible. As you say, it's hard to accept, but at the same time the greatest gift we can give our children is their independence.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Sue,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through a similar situation. It is an agonizing decision to decide how much to "help". Our deciding factor, was the granddaughters. I will email so we can "talk" more. I don't know all the answers, but I can listen.

Hugs,
Jenny

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Rose,

We have laughingly said our house has a revolving front door. Sometimes this world is so hard to navigate...especially when life throws some curve balls.

I have often thought that becoming independent, is a lot like learning to walk as a toddler. Some just take off without a backwards glance, while others hang on long after they are ready, then one day without even realizing, they let go and take off. Our daughter has been back home three time! But, I think this time took!

Thank you for your understanding. It is so good to know so many can relate with what we are going through.

Peeoknee said...

There's no place like home. And I'm so glad you were there for them. Bless your daughter and grandbabies as they fly onto a new world. But you are always there for them and they know this. It's so hard letting go! Hugs and prayers to them and you!!! It's hard in the world.

Monica the Garden Faerie said...

I think independence will be a wonderful gift for your daughter and grandkids. It sounds like they really need it and have worked hard to achieve it. I know it's hard to let them go, and forgive the unforgivable so you yourself can heal.

Cindy, MCOK said...

Jenny, may peace and harmony, love and joy, strength and wisdom be with all of you as this journey continues.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Cheryl,

I find myself struggling to forgive--over and over. As the girls go through counseling and more is revealed, I have to find forgiveness all over again. For me, it is always a process--a very active one in which I have to work through the anger to forgive. The fact that it happens on an ongoing basis--for me--makes it harder. Plus, if it were just for myself, it wouldn't be so much of an issue, but involving innocent little children--my grandchildren and my daughter, makes it more of a struggle...but I am getting there. It is an exhausting process at times.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Peeoknee, thank you for all your good wishes. As hard as this process has been, we (hubby and I) have always felt we were right where we needed to be. The right thing to do is sometimes the hardest--certainly true in this case!

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Monica,

Yes, if anyone deserves to succeed it is my daughter. She has worked so hard to get where she is at right at this moment. I think the best revenge is to be happy. Healing is an ongoing process--so hard sometimes because it seems never-ending. But we are all in a better place than we were three years ago. I honestly don't think I would be sane if it weren't for gardening--and all my gardening friends!

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Cindy,

Thank you so much for that--it has been my prayer daily--sometimes hourly! Especially for wisdom and strength.

Hugs,
Jenny

Dee/reddirtramblings said...

Oh my, Jenny, this was so touching. Having been a woman who fled home broken in spirit long ago, I am honored by what you shared and by your daughter's work to get ahead and make her way. It's so hard to start over and with children too. Thank you for sharing.~~Dee

Nola @ the Alamo said...

It sounds like you've raised a strong daughter, who will pass that strength on down to her daughters. I can see the love in your post!
Hope your summer is going well and that you are surviving the heat and drought!

Joseph said...

This morning, I was telling everyone in my family how much I appreciate them being in my life. Kind of out of the blue and it caught a couple of them off guard, but it was much needed for them to hear, as much as it was for me to say.

I forwarded on an email to them that had a video about "friends". The song playing in the background was "Lean on Me" and showed two turtles, one of which was flopped over on its back and was unable to roll back over. As if sensing the other's vulnerability, the other turtle sauntered over and proceeded to pry the capsized turtle off the ground, eventually tipping it over until it was able to walk again.

It seems a fitting story to tell in relation to yours. We all need someone to lean on when we're not strong, someone to comfort us, fill us with hope and joy and remind us how wonderful life is (and WE are!) again.

I am so happy that your daughter and granddaughters have that friend/mother/grandmother in you. I'm sure they appreciate you more than you know. It's okay if you let those tears show. Parting is such sweet sorrow!

May their paths be blessed and their hearts filled with comfort and happiness again. It sounds like you helped them find their feet again, Jenny.

Wendy said...

A happy ending...
God Bless you ,Jenny.
The hardest thing to do is Love and Let go...
Hugs

Gail said...

A beautiful post! Jenny, I am so glad your daughter and her daughters are healing. I know you are bursting with pride and love for them all. Thank you for sharing. I think folks need to know that positve change can come out of horrid situations gail

MARIA said...

Hi Morning Glories!

I found you at Nola's blog
because I noticed my favorite flowers -
Morning Glories.
I love Morning Glories and they are always on my balcony.
I love this name and this flower.


I'm so sorry about your trouble.
I see you are strong and very supporting mom and grandma.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts-
Maria from Poland

MARIA said...

You created a wonderful place here!
Very creative and beautiful!
Congratulations!

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dee, I am glad you enjoyed my post--it was a hard subject to broach, and unfortunately one that is all too common. Hopefully, the worst is behind us, and daughter and grands will be able to heal completely. I am glad to hear you came out of your abusive relationship--it is always reassuring to hear of others that have successfully.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Nola--so good to hear from you! I thought maybe you had fallen off the edge of the earth!!! The heat has really gotten me down--I can't wait for fall!

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Joseph,

You are so right that we need family and friends to lean on. This world can be a confusing place, and I can't imagine trying to get through it alone. There were many, many times my daughter felt so hopeless and alone, and I had to be there for not only her, but the grands as well. It makes me feel a little like your turtles!

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Wendy,

A happy ending--and a new beginning. No one can understand better than you about loving someone and having to let go.

Hugs,
Jenny

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Gail,

There were many times we did not know how there could be a postive outcome to the hurt and devastation they were faced with. But when you have two little girls looking to you for strength--and sanity, you dig deep and find it. I think now that daughter and her little family are on their own, they will find their strength and hope for the future growing by leaps and bounds.

Morning Glories in Round Rock said...

Dear Maria, Hello and welcome to my blog. I hope you will come back and visit again, and I can't wait to check out your blog to get to know you better.

I truly do love morning glories. Some people do not understand that love and look at morning glories as weeds. But when I look out in the garden first thing in the morning and see those beautiful purple and blue blossoms, I can't help but smile.